Nattie wants to be a YouTube star

I can’t forget the dream

I dream all the time, like almost every day and remember very well what I dream, but dreams are dreams. I never take them too seriously.

But the dream about my grandmother I had not tonight, but the day before, is still so clear like I just woke up. And that’s not normal, at least not for me. And normally if I think about a dream, it is the last dream, and never to deep. And it is no longer the last dream, couse I had a dream tonight, but I’m still thinking about the one before that.

I’m so confused. Should I just stop thinking about it or try to read the meaning of the dream?

I have been thinking about what could make it "true". For example she died in January, so it’s this month. And the 7 years of waiting I have trouble understanding. Well 7 plays a big part of this whole thing. She was born in July, the 7^th month. She died the 27^th, her log before dead husband died the 17^th. And if I remember right her lucky number was 7, and so is mine.

Somebody that is good at reading dreams?

Does it all sound stupid?

did I finaly get my goodby?

Back in year 2003 when I was only 13, I lost my grandmother. She was the only one in my life that truly cared. She was like a mother to me, when my biological mother wasn't there for me. When she died, I felt like I had lost all my family and all my love, cause that's what she was.

She was back home in Poland when she passed away, and I was here in Denmark. When I heart she was in a hospital, I wanted to take back, and be there for her, but my biological mother didn't feel the same. I still haven't forgiven her for it today. I lost all I had that cold January.

I still can't believe that I lost her.

I still can't believe and accept that I didn't get to say goodbye.

I still feel the pain.

And I heart that her last wish was to see me, and her last words where that she loved me. Tiers are running down of my checks as I write this. She was all I had, and I have lost it. I know they say that with time the pain will go away, but maybe I don't want it to go away, cause it is all that I have left.

I don't cry over it anymore. But today I am crying. I don't believe in the after live, or any of that kind. But I have to admit, that for all these years, I have been hoping and waiting for her to come to me and say goodbye.

Today I had a dream that felt so real. She came to me and said goodbye. Was it just a dream or is it my goodbye?

I wish I knew and that it was my goodbye, so my heart could in some way make peace with it.

But another part of me doesn’t want it to be true, that she came to me, cause would that mean that her beautiful soul has been stock between live and the after live just because I needed closer for 7 years? And why wait so long?

And even though she was calm and happy in my dream about leaving this world, she told/showed me that the story about her falling peacefully asleep because it was her time not true? She showed me some letter she had tried to writhe at home before the hospital, that she had pain in her legs and arms, and she had called and tried to get help but didn’t get it in time. I have been told she didn’t want to get help and that she wanted to stay at home as long as possible. But that’s opposite of me dreams version!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

The Big Bang Theory - Sheldon The Germaphobe

The IRL blog spot!

This is my IRL blog spot...

This is my little spot in the apartment where I usury blog from.

My (or my boyfriends and my apartment) is nice clean and stylish.

The kitchen is with, the bathroom is with, and in the living room we only have black white and a little bit red. I love it this way.  It is easy to clean and suites both a man and a little woman as I am *smiling*

But I need my little girly spot J So, this is it. It is pink and has lovely warm memories of my life on the wall. I just love it! <3

Out :)

PS. It was my friend (June’s) Idea that I should blog about it.

Happy new year!

Hey!

I hope that you have had a happy new year! And that the year has started well for you, and that 2011 will be a good year with a lot of good stuff coming your way.

Hugs from The polish princess in Denmark! :D